Don’t Squander This Moment

Don’t Squander This Moment

Thoughts2Lead

What should we be saying to our teams about race and privilege today? How about beginning with this? “I value and believe in each and every one of you. I believe in your abilities, and I believe in our joint capabilities. I will do everything I can to understand the challenges we are facing and I will provide you with the time, space, and support you require to do what you need to do; to find a sense of justice and a deeper sense of peace.” 

And then affirm. We will get through this together.

There will be difficult days ahead, that much is certain. Each of us at Thoughts2Lead, believe being empathetic, honest, and transparent present the clearest path through these uncertain and difficult times.

This is a moment we cannot squander – it presents us with an opportunity to change who we are, how we see the world, and how we react to it; not just for a moment but through the long arc of our lives. It is our chance to move beyond a history of injustice and oppression. In this moment we have both the opportunity and the moral and political obligation to create the American dream for all. If we honestly believe that all men were created equally, this is our chance make those words a reality for all, if we honestly believe that all men have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, then this is our moment. 

Our team at Thoughts2Lead encourages leaders to begin this journey by truly seeing each team member for who they are; as men and women, and by acknowledging that everyone matters. We are encouraging leaders to learn more about injustice and oppression, to learn more about systemic racism and privilege. We are encouraging leaders to develop a deeper understanding of what each team member needs today to fell mentally and physically safe right now, as they support an organization or business. 

 With all of the craziness of a world seemingly gone mad: the threat of Corona virus, senseless killings, unhinged politics and the perverse ugliness of some who simply don’t understand. Coupled with the anxiety of the economy, worries about family and friends and personal safety.

Leaders must step up in meaningful ways. 

Leaders must explicitly ask their colleagues and team members what they need to feel and be safe and to be valued in the workplace and beyond. They need to ask what team members need in the workplace if they are going to be successful in their work during these difficult days? Do your team members need more information about what is going on in the community? In the industry, or in the workplace? Do they need greater flexibility in how they access the workplace in these difficult times? Do they need time to talk to others in similar situations? Do they require clearer expectations about what is expected and needed in this moment, or just the simple reassurance that you’re in this together and they can count on you.

 These will be difficult days for leaders – but not more difficult for those who are living a life challenged by systematic racism, social injustice, and inequality. So, we say to you - don’t mince words when discussing the challenges ahead. Be truthful, even when the truth is hard. Be forthright in telling people what you know for certain and what you don’t know. 

At Thoughts2Lead, we encourage leaders to be thoughtful, empathic, and honest. Our work is focused on getting leaders to develop the habit of “seeking to understand” before acting. We encourage and foster humble leadership – leadership that doesn’t traffic in privilege and the preservation of the status quo. We and the leaders we coach acknowledge that this moment of reflection and action will be hard – perhaps the hardest thing we have done together in our careers. But we are committed to making a positive difference. 

 We believe being empathetic, honest, and transparent are critical capabilities for today’s leaders and we believe that when these character traits – empathy, honesty and transparency are coupled with the will to persevere and making the current situation better for all - we will see that the leader has created, not squandered, a moment of great opportunity for those they serve. 

There is no shame in not knowing – there is shame in not caring. 

#Thoughts2Lead.

Don’t Let Big Decisions Stop You from Being Your Best You!

When you’re facing challenges or making decisions which have a big impact on your life or on other people’s lives, it's easy to feel anxious and harbor self-doubt and even to start beating yourself up only to be paralyzed with fear and foreboding. Then missing the moment where you may have made a positive difference in your own life or the life of someone important to you. 

When you start worrying about all the things you can’t control – the politics, what other people might think, the reasons other people aren’t being kinder or more compassionate, or even why they aren’t wearing a dang mask in public when there is clear scientific evidence that it’s better for everyone if they do - it’s just dang hard to be your best you.

Maybe the best first step in trying to be a better you, is to first be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that you are doing the best you know how to do – acknowledge that you trying to do the right thing, consistently.  Acknowledge you aren’t intentionally harming others. Acknowledge that despite your best efforts you cannot do it all – admit that you are human.  

By being kind to yourself  

By being kind to yourself – by being personally empathetic with yourself – I think you will become a happier, healthier and most importantly better human. 

Treating yourself well doesn’t come easy to everyone – it takes time and practice. It stems from knowing who you really are and sometimes – who you are not. We will have to acknowledge this too – this inner peace – the balance created by knowing who you are and then treating yourself kindly - doesn’t come naturally, it’s a skillset you have to practice. Not long ago I wrote about metacognitive practice – the practice of thinking about your thinking. And if you have great. If you haven’t let me encourage you to begin thinking about why you think what you think – to better understand who you really are, why you do what you do, and why you sometimes think what you think when everyone around you thinks something else – or thinks the same things. Then let me ask you to take a next step to help you deal with facing challenges and making big decisions. 

PRACTICAL APPLICATION 

Simply begin by taking three slow deep breaths. On the first breath, notice how you're feeling. On the second breath, remember that you aren't alone, that other people are going through similar challenges, they are feeling the same worry that you are – know that you are not alone in this moment. And on the third breath, ask yourself, "What would it look like to be kind to myself right now? What do I have to do to treat myself well right now? Then take your answer and put it into practice. 

As a good human, part of your daily job is to take care of yourself — why not tend to that practice today so you are better able to take care of yourself and the others who are counting on you.

Get on with your better self – breathe.

Thoughts2lead.com

New Beginnings, New You.

The new year is a chance for new beginnings. Just because something was one way before does not mean it’s the only way. Your path is not set-in stone – circumstances may say “no that is the way it is” or “for people like me there aren’t the options available to others.” 

I say “No.” Circumstances are just that – temporary conditions you find yourself in, they are not your destiny. And believing that’s just the way it is – is in your head – and it’s based on a learned behavior - the assumption made by you that it has always been that way – and that is just not true for you or for anyone. Even when the assumption is shared by others, even when it widely accepted and held as doctrine. In every life there have been moments of peace, abundance, and happiness in every life. Perhaps not with the consistency we would like or defined materially.  Go back and think about your thinking (remember our conversation about metacognition – thinking about your thinking). Find the moments of personal peace, find moments where you were joyful or enjoyed what you had and use them as your springboard to change your current circumstance.

If you want to lose weight, reconcile with a family member, gain greater financial stability or start a new business. Know it begins with seeing that change in your mind. See yourself as thinner and healthier, see your family happily together, or seeing yourself taking control of your finances. There is truth in the old adage – you have to see it before you can achieve it. Then, and here is the hard part – you have to change your mind about the voices internally and externally you listen to and your will follow habits. 

Changing your mind simply means this – you have to allow yourself to begin seeing yourself as what you hope to become. You can no longer see yourself as you did. Psychologists and experience tell us - you will follow and become your centrally dominant thoughts. Which in practice means that if you see yourself as thinner, you will become thinner. If you see yourself as living in a family situation that is more positive, your family life will improve.  If you see yourself as becoming more successful, you will become more successful. Not simply because you see yourself as those things but because you will begin to live out the choices necessary to become what you see. Why? Because you will begin to subconsciously do the things that accompany these desires. Your subconscious mind will take you places your conscious mind had found excuses to ignore. 

You really do know where you need to go and what you need to do – you just have to listen to those internal voices. If you truly listen and act accordingly – with honesty and integrity you will over time develop the habits necessary to your success and enable your dreams. Don’t believe me? Think about how you got to where you are now – have you been listening to the voices that said, that’s good enough or I can’t, I’m not good enough, my people have never been able too. My guess is that you have – maybe not all the time, but enough of the time that you have denied yourself some area of personal or professional growth. 

On any journey there will be setbacks and obstacles. There will be haters and naysayers along the way. There will be those who say you shouldn’t or you can’t. They will tell you it’s not worth the effort or that just not worth it. Outside voices amplifying the current mindset. It will be hard to make the changes necessary to live your best life. Perhaps damn hard. 

Changing your mind is hard. Your experiences and all those outside voices have wired your mindset. Listening to a quiet voice in the back of your head seems counterintuitive when it runs against what you “know.” It is however what you have to do to move beyond where you think you are. 

When that little voice in the back of your mind says, “stay away from the potato chips,” or “don’t eat that breakfast bagel with extra cream cheese,” when that voice within you says, “call your mom or dad and say you’re sorry” – you must listen and act. When your mind says – hold off on that purchase, you don’t need another phone or device newer car just now, when you know you need to learn more to earn more – listen and act. And then you must consistently lean into that inner voice when it begs you to follow-up – to make healthier eating choices, to keep the lines of family communication open and to actually study the situation or enroll in that course. Leaning in is the beginning of building the habits which will empower your success. It is the action that allows the voice to become louder and change the direction of your centrally dominant thoughts – ultimately changing the circumstances you have come to know as borders to your success. 

THINKING ABOUT YOUR THINKING - THE METACOGNITIVE PROCESS

When I was a young teacher in Iowa many years ago, I attended a six-week workshop at our local education area office. We met Tuesday nights from five-thirty to about nine o’clock for six weeks. I don’t really remember why I signed up for this particular workshop series, it might have been the certificate renewal credit or that other friends from school were taking it. I honestly don’t remember today. I do know it wasn’t the topic of the workshop it was titled, “The Brain.” I was okay smart – but I wasn’t scholarly.

“The Brain” heady stuff (pun intended) for a second-or-third year teacher and coach. Yet, something from that workshop has stuck with me for nearly forty years – I remember the instructor talking about the metacognitive process, metacognition, which she loosely defined as “thinking about your thinking.” It fascinated me then and it haunts me today. 

As you might expect – the politics of the day, coupled with all the challenges we face as Americans, as human, has had me thinking about my thinking. Thinking about why I believe what I believe, who I choose to associate with, and why I do the things that I do. 

And then this morning on my daily walk around the neighborhood I saw a friend I see every morning – we sometimes talk for a moment, other times we toss out a greeting as we continue to walk on in opposite directions keeping to some unknown schedule that retired and out of work people have. Still other times we just nod and continue on as more important things pull us deeper into the day.  

Today was like any other day – we nodded a knowing nod, which I took to be about the election. Then I started thinking. Thinking about my thinking and why I thought that. Not just about why I assumed my neighbor shared the same sense of politic as I did since we had never talked about politics or anything really, but about how I really see people. And why I tend to make judgments about them and what they may be thinking. 

I think I have tended to make superficial judgements in who I like – perhaps based on a reflection of my own sense of how they fit into “my” world. Or how they respond to me, the knowing nod, the passing witty comment, or how they speak generally – do they seem happy, positive, and fun.  Or is it perhaps what they wear or is it that they look like they “belong.” 

I think my thinking has been flawed. 

A ton of stuff has happened in the past forty-eight hours – there is an opportunity for all of us to think about our thinking. To rethink our view of who can and who can’t, of who should and who shouldn’t. We can rethink our use of power and privilege. We can rethink how we treat each other, and we can think about how our thoughts limit our and perhaps the possibilities of others and on the flip side – we can think about how a change in our thinking can empower, inspire and enrich others. 

I can’t help thinking that if you are reading this – you think about your thinking and you understand the power of engaging in the metacognitive process – and you intuitively know the power of positive thought.  I can’t know what you are thinking. I can’t think for you, but I can tell you this … I am rethinking everything. It’s time for a change.

Think about that.

Back to my neighbor …

What About Today? What About Tomorrow?

Like you, I want change. Change in our leadership. Change in the way we see and speak to each other during our daily discourse. I want to see a change in the way treat our brothers and sisters. I want to see more equitable outcomes for those who have been treated inequitably.

I want to see a change the mindset of our nation that allows racism, sexism, discrimination and a host of other sins, personal and institutional, to go on and on, while we proclaim to detest them. 

I’m tired of the he said, she said. I am tired of the lies, half-truths and innuendo that permeate our politics today. 

I’m tired of the he said, she said. I am tired of the lies, half-truths and innuendo that permeate our politics today. 

And I want to be rid of this almost unbearable weight that all of that has burdened us with. 

I want to feel valued and appreciated, not guilty, unhappy, and frustrated.

The election could help with that. It could. It could be the start. Yet in the end I somehow feel it will take more than that – so today I resolve to be more urgently patient, violently calm, and dreamily awake. I’m of mixed emotions, I guess. As we wait for honest results.

As I contemplate the outcome of this election and perhaps the beginning of some of the changes I want and need to see. I’ve begun to look inward, to do some soul searching and carefully examine my place in how I feel right now. I mean how can someone feel urgently patient, violently calm, and dreamily awake. I have begun to think more thoughtfully about how I can prepare both mentally and physically to not only persevere, but to grow and remain positive in the light of any outcome to this election, win, lose, or draw.

I think my look inward and perhaps yours if you are still reading this … begins by determining that our value isn’t determined by the outcome of this or any election. Our value comes from who we are as a person, from our contribution to something larger than self. Our value comes from how we conduct ourselves in and through adversity.

This election, no matter what its outcome won’t make me less human, it won’t stop me from being more civil in my conversations with others, it won’t make me treat others poorly, I can and will continue to speak out about inequities and the host of ‘isms that have run their course. My value is up to me. It’s not given to me by others – it is and always has been there. I am valued and so are you. 

My value and my peace are mine. They are linked to my contributions and how I see them within the larger context of our society. If and when I contribute positively, I am at peace and I can enjoy the moment – in spite of the noise and craziness around me.  The failure of others does not diminish me or the work I have done or will do. In fact, the failure of others to be good humans provides the rationale and the context for my being and my actions. It is the source of my value. It is and will be my peaceful place.

In the end, I believe this - my value is defined by how I react to my life’s experience, good and bad. I know and believe this too – if in what could be some dark days ahead, if I simply stand by and let our nation fall into anarchy because I disagree with the results 0f this election, without urging patience, understanding and calm, if I don’t peacefully fight for what is right– then I will be complicit in the anarchy. If I react without honesty or integrity, if I engage in an act violence to facilitate an outcome I would rather see, tearing down our social fabric and my surroundings, I am simply reactionary and contributing to the darkness. If I react with hateful comments and ugliness, I am what I despise – simply hateful and ugly. Only I can diminish my value. 

My value Is only diminished when I don’t contribute in a positive manner – I can’t speak for you, but I know this about me, my value comes from building, not tearing down. My value comes from being reasonable and measured in my responses. My value comes from being inclusive and supportive. I believe in being kind, appreciating beauty, and being a positive force for good. No election can or will change that.