What does “do better” mean?

What does "do better" mean? Does it mean working together for a common goal in a fair way? Does it mean that doing something important together is more satisfying than doing it alone? Does being better mean that we see and appreciate the worth of others, not just acknowledge it? Does it mean giving those who make mistakes some understanding and not immediately judging or criticizing them? Does it mean sticking to who we are while using better ways that benefit everyone, not just some of us?

 I think we can and must “do better.” I believe it begins with personal integrity, demonstrated through daily demonstrations of honesty and responsibility. Each of us must relentlessly tell the truth, not “situational or relative” truth but a real and commonly held, principle-based truth. Truth that is clearly observable to the trained and untrained eye.  Leaders must seek the truth in others as well – giving those that would hedge the truth the grace to come clean. 

 I believe setting clear expectations with others and holding to those expectations promotes responsibility. When team members and others know who you really are and what you honestly expect. This personal connection to what is expected creates an environment in which accepting tasks and responsibly delivering high-quality results becomes the norm and doing better becomes more than a phrase – it becomes a way of work.

Dialogue and an appetite for a conversation focused on improvement are central to the effort to “do better.” Whether it’s in our personal lives or our professional lives – talking with and not at others is central to establishing shared values and beliefs. Conversation is at the heart of inspiration and sharing a sense of mission, of accomplishing something larger than self. 

 Creating an organization that is honest and willing to hold conversations about important matters will lead to a more positive work culture. Organizations that talk about important matters create virtuous cycles that reinforce the positive elements within an organization focused on next-generation success.

 Organizations where people feel engaged, motivated and invested – where the culture is nurturing and supportive are ultimately more successful in the short and longer-term. 

 Many of you have experienced work or personal life moments where the environment was incredibly positive – where the culture was rich, where everyone was united in purpose and focused on the task or tasks at hand. For many of us, it’s why we chose to continue on the journey into the executive leadership – to create spaces where real and important work can be done. 

It is a culture which allows strategy.

Leaders who aren’t tuned into the culture of the workplace do so at their own peril.

###

It’s called leadership.

Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.

Up to this point, we have talked about what may have been an unexpected fall from grace in your career, we’ve talked about the causes – those that were unintentional and those that may have been intentional. 

We have talked about the emotional and physical damage losing a job or position can have on you. We have talked about the personal and professional repercussions that the fall from grace delivers oftentimes with vengeance. If you’ve experienced this disappointment on a large or small scale, you know how devastating it can be. If you haven’t – well thanks for staying with me and I hope you have learned how best to avoid the “fall.” I hope you have also learned that those who have tumbled from the pedestals of leadership …  don’t always show their true feelings to the world for a variety of reasons but tumbling from the leadership pedestal always hurts – sometimes badly. 

Setting aside the instant trauma of not knowing what’s next, you begin to reflect on some deeper wounds - the years advancing in your field of expertise and working long days and nights to achieve success now taken, the sacrifices demanded and the dues one pays to become a leader now wasted. Few leaders that I know; know that the end is near – leaders by their very nature are problem solvers, they are fixers and optimists even in the most dire of circumstances believe that they can fix what is wrong or has gotten off track so being caught-off guard and sometimes blindsided by an unanticipated and unprovoked career assault can be devastating – leaving even the strongest leaders weak-kneed and both mentally and emotionally spent. Yet for most leaders, the characteristics that enabled their rise to a position of leadership – grit, resilience, perseverance, stamina, hard work and integrity are the secret sauce that compels them to rise again. To get up and face the challenges and indeed the challengers again. You regain your bearings, pick yourself up, and tend your business, it’s time to start thinking about what’s next. Where do you go from here?

 Being positive in a negative situation is not naïve. It’s called leadership.

 As you evaluate the circumstances that led to your fall from grace, it’s not only prudent to assess your personal and professional conduct to see if anything needs to be changed, it is the wisest course of action. The leader who doesn’t see this as an opportunity for growth is bound to live it again. There are few among us who couldn’t benefit from the opportunity to redo a few of the situations life has handed us. 

Begin by taking a close look at your sense of self and make the needed adjustments. For example, if you feel insecure as a result of recent events, take steps to rebuild your confidence by accepting a lead role in smaller community activities or business events. If you feel slighted and unappreciated, honestly think about why you feel that way – did you not give the initiative your best effort or treat others the way you would have wanted to be treated? You might even consider why you need others to validate your actions and contributions. 

Consider too, what your peers and colleagues have said in their criticism of you, particularly regarding your leadership skills. Honestly consider what others have said. Acknowledge that even when your intentions were pure, words and actions can unconsciously come across in different ways to those around us. Maybe you honestly believed your leadership style was direct and focused; while some of your colleagues interpreted your actions as abrupt and dismissive. Sometimes we say and do things in ways that make sense to us but we miss the target with others, who interpret us differently. And that gives us an opportunity to improve as a leader.

Examine the strength of the link between you and your best self – are you the still the honest person you were, do you still work hard and contribute to positive outcomes, do you act with integrity? Do you project confidence in difficult moments and do you persevere? If you answer these questions positively – you’re on your way back to leading meaningfully again.

 Acknowledge the disconnect between intention and action to decide how to bridge it in future interactions.

 It’s all too easy to get bogged down in disappointment and self-criticism, but don’t let negativity rule your life – take charge of your story and how it’s being lived. 

. 

There is no Magic Formula. There are no Shortcuts to Expertise?

I’m not sure what you do to earn your living or get by in the world; but I am sure you are good at it. 

In fact, I believe you are likely to be an expert in your field. I believe you have likely spent hundreds of hours mastering your craft, studying the ins and outs of your work. I would bet you are familiar with the subtleties and intricacies of your work and the workplace where it is conducted.

I come at writing this blog post knowing you have worked hard to be in the position you now in. I also know that most of the most successful people I know – fail to stop and really think about what led to their success. When asked, they stumble for an answer. I think intuitively they know they worked hard, they read the right books, they studied the right materials, they benefited from the right experiences and they met the right people. Some experts will even acknowledge they cultivated the right relationships with smart people, but they still struggle to articulate a coherent pattern one can take to expertise.

Let me ask you a question. What if you had to begin again in another field? Do you know how you would become expert again? 

How does one become an expert? Like you I have read studies that say you can become an expert in anything by reading some number of minutes over time. I think that might make you knowledgeable, I am not sure it makes you expert. I believe expertise is more than simply knowing a lot – it’s being able to do something with what you know, it’s knowing when your knowledge has application in new and novel situations. 

People from coast-to-coast have written on expertise and I have read enough now that I should be an expert on expertise – but truthfully the only thing I can offer with certainty is that to truly become an expert in a new field, you must begin at the beginning. You must check your bias and you must check your privilege.

If you are anything like me, when the urge to change direction hits, try as I might, my every thought is driven by what’s next. Once I make the decision to move in the new direction, the desire to be good at it, to be expert in it consumes me. Not only do I want to be expert in it, but I also want to look like I belong along the way to expertise. When I was younger – I bought the new shoes, the best racquet, or whatever else signaled that I belonged even before I stepped on the court. I bought the best motocross bike before my first race. I bought the regalia and tam before I entered my doctoral program.

All too often I have gotten my priorities mixed up and bought the gear before I had done anything to prepare for the new direction. In some academic and career tasks. I tried something different but equally out-of-whack. I traded getting the gear for a mindset that assumed expertise in one thing because I had it in another thing.

And each time my previous expertise led, I floundered about, as I tried to take what I knew about something else and apply it to something truly new.  I arrogantly tried to force fit what I knew into what I wanted or needed to do next without truly examining the fit of what I knew to the task at hand. 

If I only knew then what I know now.

Today, I know for a fact that most of what I knew and tried to force fit into the new task inhibited me from learning in an efficient and effective manner. It robbed me of experience and made me an inefficient learner. Just like buying the gear didn’t make me quicker or more athletic, forcing what I “knew” to be true didn’t make it so. 

I understand prior learning theory. I appreciate the value of experience. But I’m trying to get you to join me in thinking differently about expertise, I want you to think like a beginner.

As I think back over my career, it was in the moments I thought like a beginner that I was truly open to something new.  When I honestly felt myself grow as a leader and as a person. It was in those early moments when learning became personal and lasting. Those moments when I saw myself as a true novice, a real beginner that I fully developed new skills and hard-earned expertise. 

I have come to believe, that to become expert in anything new, you do not have to give up your expertise, rather you must abandon the certainty you have in the general application of your expertise to all things new.

So, in some ways becoming expert begins by getting over yourself. Getting over your prior learning, your application of general expertise, putting it behind you so you are “free” to learn without the prejudice of your experience. 

When you acknowledge that you don’t own applicable expertise and you may not be intellectually equipped in the moment to do what you are about to begin. It allows you to set aside the embarrassment coming from stumbling and making mistake-after-mistake. It allows you to be a learner. When you genuinely learn from your missteps and when you put yourself in a child-like place where failing is discovery. You will begin to develop new expertise and broaden your knowledge horizons.

For most of us it takes real courage to be seen in this space of child-like experiential learning of developing expertise. It takes persistence to fall repeatedly and get back up.

To stumble wildly and enjoy the journey, to even laugh at yourself as you stumble forward is a gift that only those learning something new can give to themselves.

In short, there is no magic formula, there are no shortcuts to expertise. It takes courage. It takes letting go and the willingness to be vulnerable. It takes honest effort and humility, and it takes time and an open mind. 

Thoughts2lead.com

Is There a Better Way to Talk to Each Other When We “Think” We Disagree?

Most of us try to avoid discussions with those who we believe have a sharply different point of view then we do. And when we do, we most often begin by trying to convince them that they’re wrong. 

Which normally isn’t the most productive moment in our day. Smile.

 What if I could give you another way to hold that discussion – one which has at least a chance of first determining if the other person really has a different point of view – rather than just a different way of saying what they believe and if they do, a way to narrow the disagreement? A way not likely to widen the divide. Would you consider it? More importantly, will you try it? 

Here goes – and I realize this is hard – start by acknowledging the other person's perspective, whether you agree with it or not. Begin by saying something like, “I heard what you said and I understand where you're coming from.” Or by thanking them for offering a “different perspective” and perhaps following that comment with something like this, “That’s an interesting position, will you tell me why you feel that way?” And then listen actively to what they say. Listen with grace and afford them time to answer your question without interrupting them except to ask clarifying questions that honestly help you to understand.

 Sometimes my posture, my facial expressions, and just my demeanor get in the way of the message I am trying to send – the old phrase – it’s not what you say but how you say it comes to mind, so it’s also important to mind what you say even when you aren’t saying it.

 Once you have truly listened and honestly engaged someone you now know holds a different point of view than you do – be thoughtful, be honest, and be humble. 

 I know you are confident in the beliefs you hold. Yet it is important to remember that confidence sometimes plays out as arrogance if its devoid of humility and empathy. Being sure of facts, figures, and ideas are important and be sure of yourself is critical in making a truly persuasive argument. 

 Then phrase your argument in positive terms. Ask your conversation partner to consider benefits that “might” accrue if they considered another possibility. Ask them to consider the impact of their thinking over a longer term or played out to its natural conclusion. Ask them to consider the consequences of your position not just on the two of you, but, over a broader audience. As you wrap up, point out areas where your positions seem to be aligned or at least not diametrically opposed. 

At the end of the day – understand we rarely change another’s thinking in the moment. At best we plant the seeds of change. Seeds that have to be nourished over time – through additional discussion and positive dialect and interaction. 

 All too often today, participants in hard discussions fail to give time – time.  Things get heated super quickly, and when they do sometimes the only thing to do in the moment is reiterate areas of agreement — even if they're small. Find an area from the conversation where there you know there was some mutual agreement – “we live in a great county,” “this is an important moment in our history,” or “we all care about the direction of our country.”

 Don’t let the moment end in a conversational crisis – thanks them for talking with you, helping you to understand their perspective and for listening to yours. 

Thoughts2lead.com

What Do You Really Want Out Of Life?

What do you really want out of life? What are you dreaming and hoping for? What would you metaphorically die for? Most of us have an answer – maybe not to the last question but certainly to the first two. Here is the good news.

But first a story. In the late 1950s Don Larson the great New York Yankee’s pitcher was pitching a perfect game. He was down to the last out, facing a batter he had faced twice before in the game, when the manager called time-out and walked to the mound. Reportedly, the manager said, “One more out and you have thrown a perfect game. Let’s get this last guy out, but whatever you do, don’t throw him a high and tight fastball. It’s his favorite pitch, he’ll be waiting on it.” The manager having offered his brand of encouragement and advice walked back to the dugout.

The mind is a crazy thing. For better or worse it moves us to our centrally dominate thought – and at that moment Don Larson could only think of one thing. Don’t throw him a high and tight fastball. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake it. When the catcher called for the next pitch Don saw the call for a slider, reared back and delivered a high and tight fastball that the batter hit for a perfect game shattering and game winning home run. 

Psychologists have studied the phenomenon and largely agree, our minds are powerful connectors between what we subconsciously “want” and our current reality.

Because your mind moves you toward your centrally dominant thought your likely already on the way to getting what you want out of life or making your dream come true. You are connecting with the right people, doing the right work, and preparing for the next step in your journey. 

I know what some of you may be thinking. You are thinking I’ve got an hourly job in a grocery store, a restaurant, or tire store. I don’t have a job that is meaningful and fulfilling, certainly not the stuff of my dreams and you are saying I am on my way? You might also be thinking I’ve got no real friends and you are saying my mind is lining up the right people? I say yes, but you may need to change your perspective to catch up with what your mind has in store for you.

I suggest that perhaps you are looking at your circumstances through the narrow focus of other people’s eyes – they see you waiting tables, bagging groceries or mounting tires, but your mind see’s you mastering aspects of customer service, learning to work hard, understanding the importance of presentation and building meaningful and substantiative relationships. All essential skills in making your dreams come true. 

You don’t see that you have real friends at this moment or as a young person once said to me, “I don’t have friends Dr. Wilcox, I have associates now.” 

I said to that young person and I am saying it now to you - your mind is planting the seeds of relationship through your associations, through your service, hard work and your persistence. All important aspects of successful people, and important next steps in you living your dream. 

Think about your thinking. Replace limiting thoughts with thoughts that will enable your success. Be the change you want to see. 

###

Thoughts2lead